You really need to read the whole thing for full FLAVR, but I shall present you with an excerpt or two that I found particularly lulzy with which to whet your appetite:
If some twat on some message board somewhere says that you can use the lockring from your bottom bracket as a lockring for a fixie conversion doesn’t mean that A: you can, or B: you should. Please listen to me on this stuff, I really do have your best interests at heart.
So you want a bike that you can ride to work, goes really fast, is good for that triathlon you’re doing this summer (snicker), is good on trails and mud, and costs less than $300. Yeah. Listen, I want a car that can go 200 miles an hour, tow a boat, has room for five adults, is easy to parallel park but can carry plywood, gets 60mpg, and only costs $3,000. I also want a unicorn to blow me. What are we even talking about here? Oh yeah. Listen, bikes can be fast, light, cheap and comfortable. Pick two, and we’re all good.
Yes indeedy. Especially on the lockring. I was never convinced about that. I can think of a few others, too, especially that one where they say you can convert a single speed into a fixed hub using araldite. Buh. I personally wouldn’t trust araldite to stop the damn thing slipping, but, you know, I don’t mind buying a fixed hub and rebuilding the wheel. If you think it’s easier and better to shove epoxy resin into the freewheel then good luck to you.
I don’t go on MySpace very often. It might surprise you to know I even have an account. I can’t for the life of me think why I do. Primarily, I think, it’s because there’s a Truck Bar MySpace page, Alibarbarella (the bastard offspring of Pygar and Barbarella, norly) has an account, and it’s where all the hip bands hang out. Or something.
One of the (many) reasons for this is the amount of advertising. MySpace makes Facebook look positively conservative and even considerate in its approach to the commercials that splatter you merely for having the indecency to log in. I’m not sure if this is a problem common to all social networking sites — I have a paid account on LJ and have never been anywhere near Bebo — however MySpace does seem to be a prime example of commercial carpet-bombing.
My purpose for today’s visit? I was trying to find out what Ben Astrop is up to these days, and had tracked him to a new band, which has a MySpace page, and so I thought I’d better log in and attempt to add him or whatever it’s called, just in case. The advert that greeted me today was particularly lolworthy, and so I screencapped it for your amusement:
Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. What next? A singles bar for aliens? Speed-dating for ghouls? Swing parties for goblins?