Catching up on the Chronicles in preparation for writing the next episode (this Volume is taking one helluva long time) and I came across a speech given by Cuddy in #5. It was one I’d forgotten about.

“But given our collective worship of the car, death is inevitable, don’t you think? The cult of the car is a death cult, Priestess. They are fuelled on compressed corpses that require their followers to invent new reasons for killing the inhabitants of the countries where those corpses are to be found, render the air a deadly mix of noxious chemicals and, just to be sure, every so often one of them goes out of control and simply crushes a few people.”

Seems tragically appropriate today.

“You get to 4% and, on any trip in a car, you see a cyclist,” says Lougheed. “Drivers start to use the left-hand mirror more. They get used to cyclists being part of the traffic. And cycling becomes a stronger part of street culture and fashion. It’s seen as cool.”

So says the Cycle Officer for Darlington, which, along with Exeter, is one of the six cycling demonstration towns. It’s a great thought, and an admirable ambition. Sadly I can’t help but think that the portion of the budget they will be spending on infrastructure means that even if they do increase cycling to 4%, so many of those cyclists will be on segregated paths and out of the way that it will not be enough to cause the phase change they seek.

I’m hoping that the people in Exeter will be able to tune their thoughts away from visions of green paint and shared paths, and realise that the tipping point they seek, whereby cycling becomes part of street culture and is ‘cool’, will only happen if the cyclists are on the street.

Seems obvious, really, but it’s amazing how readily people miss the obvious.

I am trying to stay calm about the fatal crash in North Wales yesterday. It’s very difficult to stay calm when the police are already saying that the car was “not travelling at excessive speed” and there are questions about what the cyclists were doing. I have already seen reports in which it is specified that the cyclists were riding two abreast and were wearing helmets – like that would have done them any good when a car broadsided them at 50mph.

What happened to appropriate speed for the conditions, not just the road? If the roads were icy then 50mph was not an appropriate speed. If he had been travelling at an appropriate speed then he would not have lost control on the bend.

Why are we all so afraid of admitting that there are thousands of people controlling pieces of heavy machinery with inadequate care in our public spaces all the time? An accident is something that could not be helped. It’s not something that could have been avoided if only the driver had paid more attention to the state of the road.

I know that if I drive at 40mph or even less because the roads are slippery and I don’t want to be the next victim of the Death Tree then I get other drivers sitting on my bumper trying to bully me into going faster. Or maybe they’ll just decide to overtake in stupid places.

According to the ABD members I’ve spoken to, if I drive at what I consider to be an appropriate speed for the conditions and cause the drivers behind me to become impatient, any crash resulting from inappropriate overtaking is my fault for causing frustration in following drivers, leading them to risk stupid manoeuvres.

And people wonder why I consider Tezcatlipoca, ‘sower of discord on both sides’ as the most appropriate deity for our modern car culture. We live enslaved to a sacrificial cult who try to cover up the slaying by calling it accidental.

The final issue of Secret War is out at last. I have it at home. I’m saving it, enjoying prolonging the anticipation. I hope to hold out until the weekend, when I can lie in bed and savour it over a nice cup of tea.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’ve been hiding under a rock, or are a DC fan. Secret War is the simply magnificent Marvel team up penned by the great Bendis and inked by the genius Gabrielle Dell’Otto.

Now a piece of original artwork by that man would be worth having.

And in case you were wondering why I’ve been so quiet, I have been very busy with the pre-festive rush and attending job interviews in Scotland.

I had a response from Mrs Turner, roughly along the lines of:

“Thank you for your email. I have forwarded it to my husband. He is delighted by your solidarity.”

It was in txt spk, which surprised me. I have translated it so that my readers are not subjected to that sort of nonsense. At least Mrs Turner would appear to have a sense of humour. I’m not sure whether or not the anti-compulsion campaigners are still winding up for a full mail assault.

On a completely unrelated note, I broke my CatEye HL-EL500 Opticube this morning, which is most irritating. It fell off while I was doing about 20mph along a bumpy road and smacked rather hard into the tarmac, skiting off into the verge. The catch that holds the main light box onto the battery compartment has snapped off on one side, so I can fix that using some gaffer tape. More importantly, the runners that hold it securely onto the handlebar mount have also been damaged so it won’t stay on the bike. I suppose a copious quantity of tactically applied gaffer tape might solve that one, as well.

It’s a good job I use its little EL-300 brother as a back-up.

If it wasn’t for the fact that I’m spending oodles of cash travelling up and down to Scotland attending job interviews at the moment, and the car is due for MOT and tax, I’d take this as a sign from Heaven that I’m supposed to get myself one of the new Dinotte lights that Brant has got in stock. They look like the mutt’s nuts, they do, and the reviewer over at MTBR would seem to think they’re pretty damn fine too. I’m particularly impressed by the comparison with the L&M; Vega.

In her commentary on new Tory leader David Cameron, Times Newspaper correspondent Janice Turner makes the ultimate mistake of mentioning cycle helmets and worrying about her husband when he goes out without one. Cycle campaign lists were immediately alerted and a full-scale mail assault ordered. Anything that suggests helmet-free cycling is risky is anathema! Heresy! It must be stamped out immediately!

But read the article. Properly. I think the clue is in the header. So here is my own response to Mrs Turner. I suppose I should have put a post script warning her not to mention anything to do with the superiority of Campag vs Shimano or vice versa.

Dear Mrs Turner,

As a keen cyclist, I apologise in advance on behalf of cyclists everywhere who read your recent Opinion piece (“The enviable lightness of being DC”) and could not make it past the first paragraph because of the red mist that descended at the mention of the word “helmet”. No doubt there will be many cyclists tapping away at their keyboards even now, preparing to overwhelm you with fact after fact about the debatable efficacy of helmets and why they are not necessarily a good thing.

These cyclists are quite correct. Helmets are not necessarily a good thing. I will leave it to one of them to explain why. I am writing merely to extend my assurances that cyclists are not a heavy, humourless bunch who constantly worry needlessly about the impact of any and every reference to cycling in the media, no matter how small.

Still, I hope that any avalanche of mail that does materialise will at least put your mind at rest about the apparent but actually inconsequential risk your husband is taking and allow you to feel that bit lighter.

Yours etc

Sadly, no one else in the office understands what I’m talking about. They have led such sheltered lives.

Chuck Norris killed Mcgyver by making a set of nun-chucks using newspaper, two toothpicks, a womans weave, and a 3 legged dog.

A random selection of facts about Vin Diesel from the top thirty (once I’ve stopped laughing sufficiently to copy and paste):

“There is no “I” in team. There are two “I”s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.”

“When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, “Holy crap! That’s Vin Diesel!” Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.”

“Crop circles are Vin’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.”

“Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose’s shit.”

“Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.”

There are some Mr T facts as well. The Chuck Norris ones have been doing the rounds, but I must, must, MUST leave that site now or it will be a completely wasted Friday.

I’ve been unwell – much more unwell than I should have been, dammit – and have now been Severely Banned from internet use at work. Some form of service shall be resumed shortly, however it may be heavily curtailed for a while. Sorry about that, folks.

While I’m here, however, has anyone got any idea what is going through the heads of these morons I see riding bikes on the pavement, in the dark, fully kitted out in lid and proper clothes and everything, but completely without lights? “Duh, don’t have any lights but I’ll ride on the pavement and I’ve got a helmet on so must be safe.”

I overtook one such numpty as he hopped back up onto the pavement having just ridden down the dual carriageway section of Countess Wear, without lights, on a black bike, with black clothes (no reflective piping) and black panniers. He gave me such a filthy look when I suggested that he might want to try some illumination.

I bought Shackleton way back in March. I think I’ve finally finished fiddling. At least for the moment. Here, for your delight and delectation, because I’m still not allowed out on the bikes so I might as well take pictures of them, are a couple of photos of Shackleton decked out in winter plumage:

Changes from purchase include, in no particular order:

• Rebuilt back wheel as a flip-flop fixed/singlespeed using an On-One double fixed hub
• Corrected chainline using 118mm FSA Platinum Pro BB
• Swapped Inbred saddle – initially for Terry Ti Race, then the Terry Elia; as of today the Selle Italia SLR Gel Flow
• Swapped tyres for (currently) Specialized Armadilloes 700cx25 (been riding Vredestein Volante 700cx23 all summer)
• Fitted full-length SKS mudguards (winter only)
• Added Carradice SQR Trax
• Fitted Time ATAC Carbon XS pedals
• Fitted blue Tyre Flares

Dig those crystal stars hanging from the SQR. Got those from the Glow Company. Not as good as the ones my brother Nick gave us, but I don’t know where he got his. Even so, they still give the effect of being some sort of luminous deep sea creature when it’s dark. That CatEye EL500 is okay – better than the EL300, obviously – but I still wouldn’t recommend it as a solo light for unlit roads. I have it as a back-up for the lumicycles. Wouldn’t recommend those Specialized bottle cages either. Both of those ones are cracked already. I’ll be going back to some nice, standard metal ones when I get around to it.

And if you were wondering, the trick for getting the wheel out on track drop-outs with full length mudguards is to fit the secu-clips normally reserved for the front mudguards to the rear as well. Then you can just pop the mudguard stays out. You can see them just above the chain tugs there. It’s still a bit of a squeeze, but it works. You might have to ask your LBS man very nicely to get a spare set, though.

Thanks to the inimitable Fixed Phil and the rest of the Fixie FAQ gang for that tip.