The worst album covers in the world.

People actually made records with those on the front.

Why?

For the love of the sweet baby Jesus WHY?

This one is particularly creepy. Don’t look at it, Katie. DON’T LOOK FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T LOOK.

The chicken will not save you.

I have a pair of Lara boots.

They arrived in the post this morning. Damn they’re sexy, although they are going to need serious amounts of breaking in before I can run in them comfortably and the straps around the top aren’t really made for girls with whopping great cyclists’ calves like mine.

Still. I can only assume that the glint in Frood‘s eye means they meet with his approval.

Here’s how to play:

You reply to this post and I give you a letter of the alphabet. Then you dredge up 10 songs that start with said letter and put them in your journal (with these or similar instructions).

Sciolist gave me the letter D and in no particular order:

1. Dub War – Dance Conspiracy
2. Dance of the Deities – Yellow Magnetic Star
3. Danger! High Voltage – Electric 6
4. DARE – Gorillaz
5. Down Like Disco – Dandy Warhols
6. Dead Souls – Nine Inch Nails
7. Debaser – The Pixies
8. Deeper Underground – Jamiroquai
9. Deeply Disturbed – Infected Mushroom
10. Duchess – The Stranglers

Just ten was hard.

After much contemplation I think I have finally come up with a list of scents I’d like to sample from Black Phoenix Alchemy.

• Anne Bonny
• The Black Tower
• Black Opal
• Ultraviolet
• Undertow
• Hurricane
• Black Annis
• Loup Garou
• Malice
• Nocnitsa
• Czernobog
• Loviatar

But I’m still a huge fan of Chris Brosius.

Thank you , Wing Commander Spesh, for the Butt Page.

Sigh…

So this is how the schedule breaks down.

I’ve already been naughty. I missed last night’s cycle ride because I was, frankly, shagged, although I’m taking their word on the whole building up to the morning runs by taking the next couple of weeks to reset my body clock.

I am not a morning person.

The swim sessions are being split so that two of them are 1500m freestyle, with a goal of finally getting 30mins or under for the distance. The other two are ‘lighter’ (really?) and drop 250 – 500m but replace those 250 – 500m of straight freestyle with 250 – 500m freestyle wearing fish fingers.

That hurts, actually, especially from length 14.

Monday night gym is going to be mostly upper body work. I’ve discovered there are free weights, but I need another induction. The only induction time is 09:30 on a Tuesday morning (how daft is that?), but I’ve blagged the phone number of the guy who does it so I can arrange a different session. Wednesday night is going to be a lighter session, I hope, but it depends on what’s on offer in the free weights room. Also we’re moving in the next two weeks, and I may join Body Zone in Kirkcaldy on the recommendation of some gym nut Munky knows. So the gym thing is a work in progress.

The evening cycling sessions are around about 30 miles on the flat route or a 20 mile hilly route. I’m not in the gym tonight owing to work commitments, so I’ll be going out on the bike instead.

The run we have at the moment is just under 4 miles according to Gmaps Pedometer, but obviously that’s going to change when we move, especially as we may move before the morning runs kick in to the programme. Those are 4 miles of hilly off-road tracks.

Sunday rides so far are 50 – 80 miles.

Alcohol intake has been banned Sunday – Thursday. Only I might break that rule tonight because I have the next two days off to go flat hunting and if I interpret the spirit of the rule I’m now on the weekend with it not being a school night. I have a set of Tanita Body Composition Scales so I can keep a check on how über-buff I’m getting.

That should keep me amused for a while. Until I keel over and start meeping anyway.

I tell you, if I start feeling that my boobs are losing out unacceptably, I’m calling it quits. I like my boobs.

Go to Foska and open the photo albums.

See how many people you can recognise.

Is that Fixed Wheelnut I espy? That’s certainly the The League‘s very own librarian, Mrs Pike, in the “Foska Photos” pic on the home page wearing the marmite shirt.

Can someone recommend me a protein supplement for post-workout? Has to be animal protein — humour me. The techs say I can’t process vegetable protein. The only support I have for this particular piece of craziness is that while mixing meat with carbs (especially rice) makes me as sick as a chocolate-stuffed dog (ha!) I can mix vegetable protein with carbs — e.g. tofu with rice — without worrying about it.

I’m not too good with milk, although I can handle plain yoghurt, if that makes a difference. And if I have to do this sad and freakish thing I wanna free something to come with. Like a t-shirt (if it’s black and not too horrid) or a bottle or something.

Oh I see.

It’s not an immediate requirement.

It’s a goal. I can work up to it.

Oh well that makes everything all right then. That’s just super.

Over how long?

I don’t have to do the morning runs for maybe a couple of weeks, build up to them?

My, that’s terribly magnanimous. How unexpectedly gracious.

This is my proposed training schedule.

It made oi larf.

They made me write it down and everything.

Once I’d picked myself up off the floor and had just about got my breath back they repeated it. And then today I bought an 80 point Fit Fifer Card. It’s 3 points for a swim session and 3 points for a gym session.

I’ll let you work the rest out for yourself.

Although I could burn four points every Monday evening by adding an instructor-led circuit training session after going to the gym.

Do feel free to laugh, point and mock.