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Yeah. I’m dubious about the value of these Downing Street petition things as well. But it can’t hurt, can it?

The proposed revision — which includes such ridiculous changes as “use cycle paths where possible” rather than the currently slightly less proscriptive “use cycle paths were practicable” — was laid before Parliament on the 28th March 2007. A member of the Commons or the House of Lords has to bring an adverse prayer to have any chance of getting it stopped, but this in itself would not be guaranteed to prevent it coming into force. It would only take it before a committee that has no power to amend it: only accept it or throw it out entirely. Government would most probably use its built-in majority to whip it through.

The really irritating part of this is that 70% of the responses to the draft were from cyclists pointing out why the revised wording was poor:

The wording on the use of cycle facilities such as advanced stop lines, cycle boxes and toucan crossings – originally, the rule regarding these facilities stated “Use cycle routes where practicable. They can make your journey safer.” New wording was inserted into the consultation document, which contained greater detail with regard to the use of cycle boxes and advanced stop lines where provided. This change was read by many to suggest that their use was mandatory. Many felt this was unfair and unsafe, as they considered the standard of cycle lanes in GB to be very poor and very dangerous, often filled with parked vehicles, debris, drain covers and pot holes.

A large number of respondents also felt that other road users believed cyclists were legally obliged to use these facilities at all times , and therefore expected cyclists to use them wherever available, rather than by free choice, dependent on conditions. This then raised the issue of liability if cyclists did not use the facilities and a road traffic incident occurred.

It was felt that other road users needed to be made aware that the choice to use these facilities remains with the cyclist, and there is no law forcing their use. The phrasing of the rule has therefore been amended to take this into account. The standard of cycle routes remains the responsibility of the relevant highway authorities and so falls outside the remit of The Highway Code.

The advice on wearing cycle helmets and high visibility clothing – as many respondents incorrectly believed that the advice to wear cycle helmets and high visibility clothing was mandatory they asked for the recommendations to be completely removed, primarily because it was seen as removing the cyclist’s choice of what to wear. However, as this is still considered to be good advice for all cyclists, it has not been changed.

The advice on negotiating roundabouts – The Highway Code did state that, when negotiating roundabouts, cyclists should keep to the left when cycling, or dismount and walk round. Many respondents considered the former to be dangerous and contrary to the advice given in cycle training manuals, while the latter discriminated against the cyclist’s right to use the road equally with any other road user. However, the advice is still considered to be appropriate and has not been changed, although the order of the wording has been revised for clarity.

In other words: screw you.

Add your name to the petition as a start. Better yet, lobby your MP at a surgery or even by letter. If you need any hints and tips on why the changes are a bad idea, drop me a line at the usual address.

Every so often he does something that absolutely reminds me why I love him so much.

This is why he has a Flickr set dedicated to him.

We havered [ObnonScots: dithered] over whether to go see this with Mum and Dad for ages. They were keen, but very busy, so we decided to go ourselves.

Having heard several bad reviews of it in the preceding week Frood and I deliberately deleted any and all expectation from our minds and prepared to accept whatever was given to us. We had both read the original graphic novel: it’s sitting on my shelf over there as I type. “Minimalist” is a good word for that. There’s not much to it. I admit I was a bit baffled by the 116 minute advertised running time: how could they stretch those few pages into nearly two hours?

Lots of slow motion, that’s how. Slow motion beheading, slow motion marching, slow motion blood flying across the screen… if you’ve seen Sin City you’ll know the visual effect. There was also that slightly unrealistic colour palette, which added to the general Miller feel.

It was okay. Really. I kind of liked the fight scenes. Some of the Spartans were really very attractive, in a sweatily slippery, muscular sort of way. Gerard Butler, playing King Leonides (unrecognisable from his Tomb Raider days) had a simply adorable soft Scottish accent that was vaguely reminiscent of Sean Connery. I half expected to hear him say “This is SPAAAAAARTAAAAA, Mish Moneypenny.”

I note from the IMDB entry that he’s rumoured to be in the new production of Watchmen. Dear gods in heaven. That’s a film that SHOULD NOT be made.

Gods only know what that whole political sub-plot involving the Queen was for. Queenie lasts about 3 pages in the book and isn’t heard from again. It was unnecessary, and if they’d cut that out then it would have brought the film down to a far more reasonable 90 minutes, thus enabling me to sit through it without looking at my watch every five minutes for the last half an hour.

The creature effects were disappointing. There’s no excuse for crap special effects in this day and age. If you’re going to have a war heffalump, make it a good one. David Wenham provided some amusement as Delios, but only because I remember him as the sex-starved friar from Van Helsing. Xerxes looked like he’d been press-ganged from a gay Portland fetish nightclub and could have walked straight onto a Rocky Horror set without batting an eyelid. Having said that, the facial piercings were in the book, so that’s not the film’s fault. I’d still have preferred to see someone who was properly black and imperial in appearance. The book made me think of the royalty in H Rider Haggard’s King Solomon’s Mines, not someone who does vocals for Jane’s Addiction or the Chilli Peppers.

I don’t get the frequently-heard complaints about it being too American. There weren’t any Americans in it. Not obviously, anyway. Sure there was a lot of “Hooah!” and patriotic obsession, but we’re talking Spartans here. I would expect that of them.

The narrative, performed by David Wenham, was pretty much straight from the book and overall the film was a reasonable adaptation, aside from being overly long. Sure there were some issues with historical accuracy, but does anyone think that Xerxes was really 9 feet tall with a voice like someone out of Stargate? I like to think that it was a film of what the perception of those participating might have been like: the presentation was coloured by the way the participants viewed the world. From that perspective, it was a pretty good bash. To us modern Westerners these ideas might seem ridiculous and even blatantly wrong: to those taking part, they might have been close to the mark. I think that was what Miller was trying to do in the book and the film-makers had a go at putting that on the big screen.

I might be giving them more credit than they’re due, of course, but other than the ridiculous and entirely invented sub-plots I think they did a pretty good job.

Not a great film by any stretch of the imagination. I enjoyed Ghost Rider more. That said, I don’t regret going: this isn’t a The Core or The Cave, both of which left me fuming that I would never get that time back, and I paid for the privilege of having my brain polluted.

Don’t worry if you’ve missed it, but don’t fret about it being crap and useless if you’ve already bought tickets.

On our way back from my parents last night. About 3km from home at the tail end of a 40km jaunt. Well that added ten minutes to my time. I’m not entirely sure what happened but it snapped right across and then the rear part was dragged up underneath the part still attached to the bike. I didn’t realise this at first and spent about five minutes thinking it had just come loose and trying to re-attach it. Very unsuccessfully.

Dammit. That one had my audax sticker on it and everyfink. I don’t know what got into him.

A recent post about traffic jamming got me thinking, and I expanded it into a full article which Anth took on board for Issue 22 of City Cycling. It’s a good mag anyway. Go read it.

The East Fife Tri at Cupar was my first full sprint distance triathlon, coming two weeks after the DNSed Tranent. Frood wasn’t feeling too good, so it was Mum who came by at 07:15 Sunday morning to pick me up. This is an ungodly time to be up on a Sunday — especially Easter Sunday. But registration was at 8, so off we went.

A glorious day was trying to break through the early morning chill. We got the last on-site parking space. Some people had turned up at 07:20. The place was busy even though we were bang on time.

Through at registration I picked up my goodie bag, proferred that all-important race licence and had my left arm/right calf inscribed with “119” (Frood was later to remark that I struck lucky there — it could have been 118) by a nice lady who remarked she wished everyone would shave their legs. Not sure what I was supposed to do with the individual serving sachet of microwaveable porridge oats as I didn’t spot a microwave halfway round the course, but the bike bottle will come in handy.

I was expecting to be in the slowest heat, so was surprised to find myself shoved halfway up the field in Heat Three. Peregrine was sandwiched between one of the many, many Giants and an Edinburgh Bike road bike and I set up my transition area using my plastic box to keep Peregrine from swinging round far enough on the scaffolding pole to fall off:

It was quite windy. That wasn’t going to matter in the pool.

The swim felt okay, save for the usual problems encountered when swimming in a lane with 4 other people who have underestimated their swim time while I have a tendency to over-estimate mine. Mum told me later that the tri chap sitting next to her in the spectator area told her I was a good swimmer, and noted that I was even doing tumble turns, which pleased her no end. I managed to keep count of my lengths, but there was someone banging a float on the pool wall with 2 lengths to go in case I didn’t.

T1 went more smoothly than NYD, helped immeasurably by not having frozen fingers and dispensing with the jacket, although that broken finger still aches and makes pulling my shoes on quite painful. The number belt was a bit awkward – next time I’ll put it on back to front and pull it round instead of fumbling to fasten it behind me. The bike leg wasn’t as fast as it should have been. I overtook about 6 people, particularly on the long uphill section. The tailwind down the end straight was glorious, although at those speeds the agricultural roads produced seriously uncomfortable vibration. The guys on full carbon bikes with deep rims must have really suffered.

T2 and then the run. I had the Suunto foot pod to nag me into keeping to my aimed target of 30 minutes for the 5k, but I ended up walking a couple of times on the 2nd and 3rd laps as my injured back produced serious cramping in my left shoulder. The run was hard. It felt harder than NYD, partially because a three lapper is so demoralising: at the end of lap 1 all I could think was I had to get through that twice more. Wasn’t helped by being overtaken by nearly everyone (or so it seemed), all of whom were yelling “Keep going!” as they sailed past. I appreciated the encouragement but it didn’t make me go any faster.

Results:

That’s a PB for the swim. By quite some way. And I came in under my targetted 30 minutes for the run. Plus I did the whole thing nearly 10 minutes faster than the NYD tri, so I’ll try not to get too downhearted by my total time being only 15th from last.

I seriously need to work on my running. I wasn’t quite the slowest but I wasn’t far off it. At least I didn’t get overtaken by someone on an old clunker on the bike leg!

Here’s a pic of me at the end:

For other pics, mostly taken by Mum, see the Flickr photo set.

Activation Portal comes with a STICKER!

Bingly beep tat! Where shall I put it? It’s too big to fit on my tank hat.

I used to love Monkey Dust. It was the sort of biting satire that no one seems to do quite like the British. Ivan Dobsky — utterly brilliant. I remember thinking that space hoppers were pretty creepy as a kid. There’s always been something demonic about that expression. Mr Hoppy showed that I wasn’t the only one to have thought so.

The following sketch is pretty much indicative of the general attitude towards cyclists in the UK and, you know, many of the folks out there on two wheels seem to be doing their level best to keep that attitude prevalent.

Shame on you!

This is bloody funny, though.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAOHhV1EFe4]

I recently rediscovered the track Walk Like A Panther – the All Seeing I version. Ended up buying the album, Pickled Eggs and Sherbet. The album’s pretty good.

I just like this song. The Tony Christie version is the best.

Marie has set up home
With a woman half my age
A half-wit in a leotard
Stands on my stage

The standards have fallen
My value has dropped
But don’t shed a tear
Some walk like they own the place
Whilst others creep in fear

So try if you can
To walk like a man
But if you don’t come near…
You’ve got to fly like an eagle
Prowl like a lion in Africa
Leap like a salmon home from the sea
To keep up with me
You’ve got to walk like a panther tonight

The old home town just looks the same
Like a derelict man who has died out of shame
Like a jumble sale left out in the rain
It’s not good
It’s not right

The standards have fallen
My value has dropped
But don’t shed a tear
Some walk like they own the place
Whilst others creep in fear

Try if you can
To walk like a man
But if you don’t come near
You’ve got to fly like an eagle
Prowl like a lion in Africa
Leap like a salmon home from the sea
To keep up with me
You’ve got to walk like a panther tonight

Where did you leave your self respect
You like look like a reptile
Your house is a wreck
Your existence an insult
And stains that are suspect
Cover your clothes

The standards have fallen
My value has dropped
But don’t shed a tear
Some walk like they own the place
Whilst others creep in fear

Try if you can
To walk like a man
But if you don’t come near
You’ve got to fly like an eagle
Prowl like a lion in Africa
Leap like a salmon home from the sea
To keep up with me
You’ve got to walk like a panther tonight
Walk like a panther tonight
To keep up with me you’ve got to walk like a panther…