If you are one of the speakers at the Cycling Scotland conference, and I approach you to take issue with your assertion that cyclists must perforce be segregated from traffic for their own good, please do not make the mistake of saying that a cyclist who chooses to ride on the road when a facility has been provided is a lunatic.

I will not be impressed.

Also, do not then be surprised if I express my lack of impressedness.

Additionally, do not try to claim that infrastructure is the only way to gain increased levels of cycling when eny fule kno the congestion charge did the job quite admirably (go Hamster Hammond!) Just because the MSP present did not want even to contemplate the stick rather than the carrot approach, it does not mean that PEOPLE WHO DO NOT CYCLE KNOW WHAT MAKES FOR GOOD CYCLING.

I always dreaded the day when the people responsible for cycling transport policy would come to the official position that existing cyclists do not matter. Today was that day.

I should know that when I go to these things I always come away livid. Why then does it always take me by surprise just how furious I become?

“Aaargh! Pleh! Gerroff! I’ve been enfluffinated! You’re just a great big ball of fluff. You roll around gathering more fluff, you do.”

“I so want that game.”

“You ARE that game.”

This is Frood’s website.

This is Frood’s website run through the Lolinator.

Darling, you were so far ahead of the zeitgeist it’s scary.

Over the last couple of days I’ve been sending or wrapping things to send to people and I’ve received one or two things myself. I don’t know about you, but I’m the sort of person who gets really, REALLY excited about things arriving in the post. Ooooh! Ooooh! New toy! Is it shiny? Where’s it from? What does it look like?

Not just my own parcels either. When parcels arrive for people in my presence I lose all self control and hover round them like a hyperactive vulture with ADD who has just had a gallon of SunnyD.

Don’t ever let me have anything with tartrazine in it, by the way. Just, you know, for the record.

If the person who is the right and proper recipient doesn’t get a damn move on and open that puppy right there and then it’s all I can do to stop myself pouncing on it and opening it myself.

“True to type, dear heart,” says someone on the sidelines.

It’s not just parcels, either. Anything arriving in the post that has my name on it is greeted with the same sense of skittish anticipation. Unless it’s a bill. Or the bank reminding me how much money I don’t have. Or one of those free catalogue things that outdoors shops send you if you ever have the audacity to purchase something from them (although anything with an Ortlieb or MSR catalogue in it is welcome because that stuff is kewl).

Much as I love getting stuff I’ve ordered (“Oh! Cable & Deadpool Vol 6! Be still my beating heart!”) there’s nothing quite so tingly as getting something from someone else. Particularly if it’s a surprise.

Recently I have sent and received items that were shipped directly from the supplier, as well as having sent and received items that involved personal handling. And I discovered something. I like sending stuff to people I care about. It is groovy and it makes me happy — but that’s not the discovery, I’ve always known that. What I discovered was that getting someone else to send something on my behalf doesn’t have quite that same sense of joy.

One year Frood made me a birthday card. It had a pop-up Wolverine on it who said “Snickt, bub,” and his claws came out. Frood made it himself, from scratch, while bored at work and it was the best card I’ve ever had. I’m the sort of person who keeps birthday cards for years, and I keep the envelopes too if they’ve been scribbled on.

When I’m sending something to someone, unless it’s an emergency and I need to get it sent right there and then and don’t have time for any embellishment, I spend a lot of time thinking about it. I think about the packing as well as the content. If there’s a letter involved I’ll write it long-hand, on proper paper, with a proper pen, even if I have to draft it several times and re-write the final version over and over until it doesn’t have any mistakes in it. I’ve been known to completely re-package something because I made a slight mistake in hand-printing the address on the front and it’ll be untidy if I scribble out the error to correct it.

These days we use the interweb for so much: shopping, communication, reference, socialising. Email and IM have revolutionised the way we talk to each other. I can stay in daily, even hourly contact with someone 3000 miles away on the other side of the Atlantic without worrying about peak rate phone bills. The fact that I don’t even know his telephone number has no bearing on my ability to stay in touch. Buying a present for someone can be as simple as firing up Amazon and clicking on something in the wish list. It’s making relationships convenient.

I, for one, don’t want my relationships convenient. I want to make the effort. My friends deserve at least that much from me. Whether they realise it or not, I want to know that when that package turns up in the post it will carry with it the sense that I care.

It’s not just that, either. There’s also something different about touching something that has been handled by someone else. There were occasional moments like that when I was serving time as an archaeologist: picking up a piece of knapped flint and having the awareness that thousands of years previously another living being had held it, had worked it, had shaped and laboured over it. When something arrives in the post that has been wrapped and sealed and deposited with the mail service by the friend who is sending it, there’s a definite sense of my fingers touching the places that friend’s fingers have touched. Maybe it’s a faint scent, or maybe it’s something more ethereal. Maybe it’s just psychosomatic.

But I can’t do without the ability of the internet to track down obscure things that I can’t get anywhere else. So I’m going to have to compromise. In future I’m just going to have to order things sent to me so I can re-wrap them and send them to the ultimate recipient myself.

Oh. But then I have to consider unnecessary mileage and the carbon footprint. Dammit. Hmmm. How many trees do I need to have planted in a year to compensate for my gift habits?

My goodness.

It really is incredibly shiny.

Excellent service from the folks at Swim Stop (the photo at Simply Swim was better).

Browsing the Project Scotland web site (their “electronic office”) I discovered something wondrous.

Videos!

I nearly had to buy another keyboard.

Sadly I can’t embed them, or link directly to them (you’re missing a trick there guys), but here is where you will find them:

• Volunteer FAQ
• About us
• Ginger

If you find any more, let me know.

I’ve been using Podrunner on my Sony Walkman when running for absolute yonks. Only the faster BPMs work for me, which means a lot the slower mixes aren’t so good for my purposes, but I really like having an hour or so of fixed BPM when I’m running. My favourite is Velocity Angel, and has been ever since I downloaded it, even though the faster Velociraptor is slightly better paced. Having Velocity Angel’s opening sequence (in the words of DJ Steveboy “a gorgeous orchestral piece by Aluminium”) in my head got me through the tortuous run leg of the Edinburgh Sprint Triathlon in June.

Anyway, yay for Steve but boo for us. Podrunner has its first sponsor and the change in music licensing means that from 1st November the archives are disappearing. So if you’re a podrunner virgin, get your ass over there now and download a bunch.

…bus fare and fizzy juice! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!

[ObNonComprehending: the above line is stolen from a radio ad for Project Scotland, because every time the guy in the ad says “fizzy juice” I corpse. Play the video. it’s the same guy. And I felt like it. So there.]

[ObStillNonComprehending: in Scotland “juice” can refer to any soft drink. Not just stuff squeezed from fruit. So “a tin o’ fizzy juice” can be Lilt or Tango or even Irn Bru. In England “juice” only means stuff that comes from fruit.]

Well that’s it.

I have finished the year-long training programme that has recently had me working late nights and weekends to get all the various bits and pieces done by the deadline. I’ve squeezed a year’s worth of work into 9 months. Why? Because I wanted to move to Edinburgh (five triathlon clubs to choose from!) and if I wanted the job in Edinburgh I had to be done by the end of October.

Monday morning I start work in Edinburgh, the land of Bean Scene, Lush, the Commie Pool, the Bicycle Works, cool nightclubs and cool people. Frood and I are planning on moving over there so we’re not having to commute from Fife. Maybe even before New year so I don’t have to get up so early for the NYD Tri. Only 8 weeks to go!

Yay!

Thanks to the folks I’ve been working with for the past 18 months for the scrummy Lush goodie-box and the leaving lunch. Much appreciated.

When you’ve got a link to EntryCentral — postcode filtered — on your links bar.

Haddington is next weekend and will be my last triathlon this year. I can’t find an entry form for Balerno despite looking in all the places I can look and the website of the club that runs it has been down for months. So it doesn’t look like that will be a go-er. I haven’t done any running since Aberfeldy, which isn’t worrying me as much as it should given that I’m racing in a week. I’m going to go for one today after stripping down Peregrine’s headset (please let it be a simple grease problem!) I’m quite looking forward to the end of the season. I’m planning on spending the winter hill-running, mountain biking, walking and weight-training; although if I want to do a middle distance next autumn I can’t let up on the structured training for too long.

Frood and I had a great holiday in Gairloch, even though it rained and/or howled like a banshee almost the whole time. I’ll post about that later, after some quality mechanic time with my Pinarello.