I'm not a believer in emotional monogamy, let's get that straight right here right now. Why the fuck should I be? Why the fuck should the human animal, with its massive capacity for emotion in all its forms, be restricted to targetting emotion at just one other person? Would you expect to have to hate only one person - that if you hated one person then it would not be possible for you to hate any one else? If you mourned for someone, would you expect not to be able to mourn anyone else?

I have actually heard people say that the Human animal is designed to be monogamous. What utter claptrap. People have said that to feel love for more than one person is unnatural. Just which particular planet are they living on? Why should it be possible to love your mother and father equally, but not possible to love more than one partner equally? Why should it be possible to have emotional attachments to all of your siblings, but against nature to have emotional attachments to more than one friend? Why, if you have more than one friend whom you have an emotional commitment to, is it not possible to love them and express that love for them equally?

There is no such thing as the truly monogamous species. Every single damn one of these things famous for having lifelong partners has been found, upon close and long-term observation, to be having it away on the side, often with multiple "extra-marital" partners. Genetic diversity is a powerful survival impulse. The only truly monogamous albatross that was ever recorded was a poor lost bugger who ended up in Orkney - but then he was actually celibate, because he never worked out that the females were all to be found in the Southern Hemisphere. Lucky for Family Albatross really. He didn't get to add to the gene pool.

And as for the religious arguments - they are not worthy of being classified as argument. Modern Christian marriage was set up in the middle ages to ensure property succession and land rights, and had little to do with God at all. Yet still those of us who fail to tie the knot in the legally prescribed fashion find ourselves penalised in tax savings and insurance rights.

Social conditioning originating in a patriarchal property mindset has led to this widespread acceptance of the "one true love" paradigm. Look at the cliches: "A match made in Heaven" says it all. It doesn't have to be this way. People should not have to deny themselves the right to love someone simply because they already love someone else.

Love is an emotional attachment and commitment, not a leash by which you state your ownership of a person. It is a state of being rather than a label saying "This person belongs to me." And yet so many people seem to see love as being just that. It seems to come out in a mindset that says "I love you, therefore I own you. You are mine." This in many cases is leading to relationships which are nothing to do with love at all, in which the love is simply a step to be skipped to make way for ownership. And modern society perpetuates the myth of the one true love.

I have even heard the same person say, in the space of a few heartbeats "the right man for you is out there" and "there are plenty of other fish in the sea". I suppose she must have thought that the fact I stood staring at her with lower jaw dropped was astonishment at her ability to casually drop such pearls of profuse wisdom, whereas in fact it was disbelief that anyone could contradict themselves so soundly in such a short space of time and not even notice ! The simple fact is that there are so many people out there, and that one can be attracted to someone for so many different reasons, it is unreasonable to expect there to be only one person capable of fulfilling our emotional needs for the rest of our lives. That is why marriages require work.

Now if you are one of those for whom monogamy is the only paradigm you are capable of considering, then please don't think that I am saying that you are stupid or crap or anything like that. I feel sorry for you in that you have been unable to see beyond the current socially accepted norm - and that is all it is. A current socially accepted norm. Other cultures and other times have held very different views on acceptable relationships. Monogamy is in fact the exception rather than the rule. But you have every right to pursue your happiness in whatever way you see fit.

So I'm in love. With more than one person. And there are several people to whom I am extremely close. My love for each and every one of these people is completely independent and separate from my love for any of the others. In no way does it mean I lay claim to them as possessions, nor do I expect any sort of "sexual fidelity". I wish to express my love and for them to express theirs. I do not hold them in emotional bondage. I expect only respect,honesty and trust in the way the relationships are handled, and that is what it means to me to be faithful. As long as the love and honesty continues, that is faithfulness. The rest is expression. Is that so wrong? I don't fucking think so.

By the way, I lied about the lounge lizards.