22:56
The week on the boat was brilliant. There was still pain, but the sense of utter relief, of the stress lifting, was overwhelming. That hadn't happened on any of the trips away that my husband and I made earlier on in the year. Even during the fraught times, when we were weathering strong winds, I still had that sense of relief. I could sleep, I relaxed for the first time in so long I can't remember. I slept a lot, my appetite was good, I had good levels of energy, and even the pain was more bearable despite not really being any lower in intensity. The Thursday was quite bad for pain, and we did a long hike over rough terrain on the Friday that had me in tears with the pain, but even so I still didn't feel ill, just frustrated with myself.Since getting back I have deteriorated abruptly, frighteningly fast. The pain increased to a point today when I had to take the codeine for the first time. I took one 30mg codeine on top of cocodamol and 400mg ibuprofen, but it didn't really dent the pain. I am stiff, particularly in my hips, my lower back is very sore, my left wrist is so painful I have strapped it, and I am very shaky and weak. I feel rather stressed, but by nothing in particular. It feels external, as if, and I know this sounds silly, as if there is a cloud of stress radiation here that there isn't back home in Scotland. I am thinking about moving. I wonder if it is something to do with air pollution or Oxford's microclimate, or just that I am not suited to living in urban areas.
It's my period this week, started this morning, and that isn't helping. Nor is the worry over the fuel crisis. I am feeling scared (which annoys and frustrates me), isolated and clingy. And homesick. Terribly, terribly homesick.