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Tuesday, August 09, 2005

17:11    archived     Old Man Coyote
I love this story. I found the original, of which this is paraphrased from memory, in a book by Roger Zelazny called 'Eye Of Cat'. This is one of my all-time favourite Coyote stories.

Old Man Coyote was out a-wandering. It wasn't long before, having been a bit heavy on the drink the previous night, he needed to relieve himself. As he didn't want to be waving his dick about in the sun, he stood in the shade of a large, round boulder and pissed against the side. After shaking off, he wandered on his way, wondering how much he had consumed the previous night to make his head hurt so.

He hadn't gone far when he heard a rumbling noise. Puzzled, and thinking it might be something to do with his hangover, he looked around and saw that it was coming from the boulder. It was no ordinary boulder - this was Rolling Rock and he was quite angry at having Coyote urinate on him. Rolling Rock was coming after Coyote and was going to crush him for his rudeness. Coyote ran, but Rolling Rock was gathering speed and gaining on him. Yelping, he ran straight into Buffalo, who was scratching his back against a tree.

"Help me Brother Buffalo! Help me! I didn't mean anything, but now I am going to be crushed!"

Buffalo, big strong and heavy, stood up slowly and said "Of course I'll help you." Then he looked at what was chasing Coyote and said hurriedly "But not right now. I have some...er... cows to attend to." And off he went at a brisk trot.

Coyote took to his heels once more, fleeing over the plains. Rolling Rock was slowly gaining even so. This time Coyote ran into Bear."

"Help me Brother Bear! Help me! I wasn't to know, it's not my fault, but now my bones will be broken into a thousand pieces!"

Bear, slow and ponderous but immensely strong, drew himself up onto his hind legs and said "Of course I'll help you." Then he caught sight of Rolling Rock and fell back onto his front paws, saying "You have got to be kidding! You're on your own this time, bud."

Coyote fled. He was tired now, his throat raw and sore, his lips cracked. Rolling Rock was practically at his heels. This time he ran into the tree in which Eagle Clan was sitting to survey their lands.

"Help me Brother Eagle, help me! I didn't know I was causing insult and now I will pay with my life! Please help me!"

Eagle had seen all that had occurred, and said "Of course we will help you." He and his Clan descended upon the Rolling Rock and attacked it with iron beaks and sharp claws. Finally Rolling Rock was reduced to a pile of rubble.

Coyote rubbed his hands together and smacked his lips.

"Of course," he said, wandering over and kicking some of the rubble. "I'd have managed fine without you. I could have taken him. Stupid rock. No match for the likes of me."

At this, Eagle nodded to his Clansmen and they descended once more on Rolling Rock. Only this time they used dexterous talons to fit the pieces back together until Rolling Rock was whole once more. Coyote gave a small scream and ran, but this time Rolling Rock was right on top of him and crushed him into the ground.

"Old Man Coyote," said Eagle with a shake of his head. "Will he never learn?"


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