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Thursday, February 07, 2002 13:29 We're talking about relationships a lot in our little menagerie (what, did you think that Ravenfamily is just a bunch of people who share some webspace? You'd be surprised). About caring and gestures and power games and work and how much of it is necessary, how much of it is just stuff that people make each other do to make themselves feel better. Frood and I don't really argue. I get cranky and obnoxious at times, but that doesn't count because we're not arguing. We consider each other in everything we do. I wouldn't make plans without consulting him, I wouldn't bring something home for dinner that he didn't like (if there were such a beast) just because I fancied it, I don't take things with nuts in home because he has an allergy. I take great delight in thinking up ludicrous things for his birthday and Yule presents. I also think it's important to take a bottle of something if visiting a friend's house for dinner. I set great store in what others call, rather sneeringly, 'the social niceties'. They matter to me, and I can tell how much they are appreciated by those for whom they are performed, even the ones who profess not to care about etiquette. I appreciate good manners, and everyone does, whether they claim to think they are important or not. That's why I get irritated with people who don't bother. They might say they don't care, and they might not get worked up if good manners are not observed, however I know that good manners are appreciated, and it takes so little effort to observe them that it is rude not to bother, almost by definition. I don't understand people who can't be bothered with all that. Manners and etiquette and simple consideration are the things that go into the oil that keeps relationships flowing smoothly. That and plenty of physical affection, obviously :) Is it really so hard? I mean, really? It's a question of respect. It's a bit like namaste - the divine in me recognises the divine in you. I take a bottle and say 'I recognise that you are worth my time and effort, just as you have recognised that I am worth yours by inviting me here. Thank you'. I go to the shop and ask someone if they want anything, or take a cup of tea to someone in bed and I'm saying 'you are part of my life and I appreciate that, thank you'. Every single little gesture is really a way of saying 'thank you for being in my life and making my world a richer place and experience.' Whether the people on the receiving end consciously realise that or not, you can see that they have an inkling. But the thought has to be there. Sometimes the thought is enough. Sometimes the action is done with so little thought and done automatically as a perfunctory gesture that it would have been better not to bother at all. For a misanthrope, I'm pretty nice to people.
Sunday, February 03, 2002 15:18 It's always interesting to see what old friends are up to. Bill is the one man I think I've ever really fallen for in a big way other than Frood. We share a love of the sea, he introduced me to my favourite film, and he's an all-round, laid-back, good man. I am completely unsurprised that he is out there fighting against the Star Wars programme, and I get a warm feeling knowing that he's still out there fighting the good fight. I think about him off and on, wonder what he's up to these days. I hope we get a chance to meet up again sometime soon. It would be fantastic to see him again. Ever get that feeling that world is spinning a little bit faster in anticipation of something? That the ground under your feet is somehow moving that bit more quickly, speeding you on to something that you can sense but not name? I feel like that these days. There's a pressure in my head, a sense of something too big to contain yet buried down where I can't see it because it's not ready yet, or I'm not ready yet. It's like pushing onwards as hard as you can with a bungee rope tied around you, and on the one hand you are putting so much effort in you feel like you might burst, yet on the other you are desperate that the cord doesn't break because you really don't want to be launched forwards into the unknown. Not that quickly.
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