Singularity

Bloody Elgar

2008-05-16T12:49:00.002+01:00

The traffic lights really have it in for me at the moment. I haven't placed any offerings to the traffic light goblins since moving up here, mostly because, well, I forgot.

I know, I know.

I suspect Elgar stayed behind in Exeter, but the Second Cousin Ivans are being contrary and for the last week in particular have apparently been taking great delight in making me stop.

Normally feeding of the goblins is a Winter Solstice event. I'm just wondering if I can do it earlier in the year, and, if so, do I need to adjust the offerings? Do we think Scottish goblins like jelly babies? Would a return to the bread and milk be advisable? Is it the one good use of a vegetarian haggis? Does anyone else want to join in?

I need to do something. I'm starting to sympathise with red light jumpers.

NOOOOOOOOOO!

2008-05-09T19:58:00.005+01:00

DEADPOOL VS THE MARVEL UNIVERSE

It's the last one! I'm distraught! Grief-stricken! How will I ever survive?!

Fabian, I don't care what it takes. Kidnap someone. Hold Stan Lee to ransom. I DON'T CARE. You can't stop now!

Sometimes teh intarwebs makes me happy

2008-05-09T17:10:00.002+01:00

This one's for Munky.

This one is for Alan Moore fans.

Am I missing something?

2008-05-08T17:05:00.003+01:00

I'm reading Catcher in the Rye. So far I haven't turned into a victim of MK Ultra, nor am I enjoying myself.

It's immensely dull. This is one of the most influential books of the 20th century? For why? I don't see it.

Reasons to commute by bicycle #5685: Commuter Racing

2008-05-08T12:25:00.004+01:00

This morning I was toddling along the Calder Road, enjoying the sunshine. Blackbird was out for sushi and movies last night so I had Shackleton between my thighs and we were spinning at a steady 80 - 85rpm up the slight rise to the roundabout with Saughton Road.

I realised I'd picked up a tail.

As a result of my over-active imagination, I'm always on the lookout for tails. You know, black-ops military types lying in wait to whisk me off to some hidden lab somewhere to prod and poke and generally turn my latent mutant superpowers into a secret weapon. I mostly get trapped in that particular bout of paranoid fantasy on public transport, however I've been getting a lot of attention on the street of late and I'm not convinced it's just because the warmer weather has me dressed in skimpier clothing and my 32DD assets (coupled with a 22" waist, which makes all the difference) are being noticed more often.

Although you never know.

Boobs aside, this morning I have a tail. After 5 minutes or so I relax my legs and let the natural inclination of a fixed gear to slow down if its rider seems to have lost interest have its way. Eventually my tail takes the hint and pulls in front.

Frabjous day! He has some manners! He gives it half a breath so I can spin up to speed and take his wheel. And then we hit the roundabout. He times his approach for one, not two, and I am forced to squeal to a halt in the face of a fast-moving blue Lexus.

Right. That's it.

I give chase, catch him before the next roundabout and go past. Now he notices that I'm a girl on a fixed gear. And I've overtaken him.

Guys don't like that very much.

Without boring you with the details of roundabout approach tactics (I'm an outside girl: he was an inside man) and him taking advantage of his gears on the long, slight descent (I refuse to spin up to more than 120rpm at that time of the morning: it's indecent), suffice to say I won.

Naturally.

I have taken tomorrow off. I have also ordered the Orange Box express delivery (not to mention a pile of Marvel comics — note to self: don't tell Frood how much it all cost).

Winning a commuter race is hopefully the start of a good long weekend. Certainly takes the sting out of having to work today.

Sam's mini review: Iron Man

2008-05-07T23:42:00.003+01:00

Woah! Dude!

I had to sit through 2 hours of Robert Downey Jr playing action hero (admittedly doing a good job) and the inevitable long big punch-up plus the credits for 5 measley seconds of Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury?

Nick Fury should have doing his "the man" thing from about 20 minutes in. And no way do they get to retcon SHIELD into being part of the "war on terror". No. Dude. No way. SHIELD = UN task force. Not part of the Dept of Homeland Security. On that I will not budge.

So now I have to hang on and hope that when the New Avengers finally gets together they make a good job of it.

All that aside, though, Robert Downey Jr managed to make me like Tony Stark. That's some feat. And the suit was cool.

I wish Jarvis at the League could render and fabricate like that.

Things I have discovered #238

2008-05-07T23:37:00.003+01:00

Since growing my hair (it's quite long now) I have discovered that I like riding my bike with my hair loose and unconfined. I like the feel of the wind blowing it about and I like watching the shapes made by its shadows. It's all whipping tendrils.

Whipping tendrils mean massive tangles.

Thing is, I don't have proper hair. I have fluff. My hair is incredibly fine. It's so fine it's practically weightless. So when it comes to brushing out the tangles...

Ow. Ow ow ow.

Ow.

I'm curious

2008-05-05T19:10:00.002+01:00

Prompted by a friend's realisation that xkcd has something other than banal alt text for its comics (as does Dinosaur Comics, incidentally), I'm wondering how many people ever look at the titles on the avatars I use.

Not that it makes any difference. It has always been for my own amusement anyway.

Reasons to commute by bicycle #5684

2008-05-05T18:53:00.005+01:00

As if the scenery and the sheer fun were not enough, there are smells.

This is the Burton's factory (AKA the Edinburgh Bakery), snapped by me the other morning on my new phone from the other side of the road (keeping a safe distance, you see). If it's a headwind on the Calder Road, which it usually is, then I am tormented by the smell of baking for a couple of miles before being left bereft and starving for the last mile or so to work. If it's a tailwind then that delicious scent envelopes me in a warm, biscuity hug as soon as I draw level and holds on until I reach the bike shed.

Of course, this always means I am absolutely ravenous when I arrive at the office, and have to make an extra willpower roll to refrain from demolishing every baked good on offer from the various bready comestible purveyors who visit us each morning.

Even worse: they have a shop. So far I have managed to beat back the temptation to stop either on my way in to work (aided and abetted by trying to pass by before they open) or on the way home (spurred on by the siren call of my very expensive gym membership).

One day. One fine summer's evening I will fall prey to temptation of a bag of broken biscuits. Just so that I can go inside.

Life with Frood

2008-05-04T12:02:00.002+01:00

"What are we having for tea tonight?"

"Oh, I don't know."

"Well, what takes the longest?"

"Kedgeree doesn't take that long. I suppose there's the joint of meat. We want to do that long and slow."

"Right. We'll do that then."

"Besides. There are horses playing badminton on at one."

"What???!"

Food questionnaire

2008-05-04T11:00:00.003+01:00

Stolen from Dooj.

Food, glorious food

1. Are you a vegetarian? Vegan?
No. I will not, however, eat hare or cetacean for reasons of personal politics.

2. What's your favorite food?
It's a tough choice between chicken and sushi.

3. White bread or wholemeal?
I don't eat much bread at all.

4. What's for breakfast?
Weekdays it's a protein shake made of whey isolate and leucine powder flavoured with Green & Blacks drinking chocolate powder. At the weekend it's either eggs, fruit salad or porridge.

5. You're making a Dagwood sandwich. What's in it?
I don't eat sandwiches as a general inclination. I certainly wouldn't eat one of those.

6. What's on your pizza?
Fresh tomato sauce, mozzarella, anchovies, black olives, goats cheese and red onion. Basil if it's in season.

7. Coffee, tea, milk, or soda soft drink?
Yes. Except milk. And don't even threaten me with Dr Pepper. It will go badly for you.

8. Dark, milk, or white chocolate?
Not a huge chocolate eater. I will eat small quantities of either Maya Gold or really good quality milk chocolate. I can destroy an entire packet of the G&B's mint chocolate.

9. Teetotal, beer, wine, or hard liquor?
Wine usually. Beer after racing. Gin and tonic (Bombay Sapphire, thank you please) for special summery occasions.

10. Does coriander leaf taste like citrus, or like soap?
It tastes like bad parsley. Neither citrus nor soap. I could spend a while describing the various flavour components, but suffice to say that it works as an ingredient in some things while I don't particularly like it by itself.

11. Is chorizo the greatest thing ever or is it totally disgusting?
I quite like a bit of chorizo, but I am not liking these false bipolar choices. Something can be neither the greatest thing ever nor the worst.

12. Do you use garlic like a vegetable or like a spice?
Both. Depends on the dish.

13. Onions: raw, cooked, or not at all?
Again, it depends on the dish.

14. Does broccoli taste sweet or bitter?
Neither. It tastes like broccoli (I'm starting to think that whoever wrote this quiz should get his taste buds checked out).

15. How do you feel about fish?
I like all marine fish, not so keen on freshwater fish.

16. How about sushi?
Mmmmm. Sushi. Very naughty, owing to mixing fish with rice (bad dog!) and yet I seem to get away with it. Sushi is my friend.

17. Fave ethnic cuisine?
I couldn't say.

18. What's your favorite fruit?
I really don't know. Raspberries, maybe, although I eat a lot of bananas.

19. Cheese - thumbs up or thumbs down?
I like cheese. Not all cheese.

20. Finally, favorite dessert?
I don't eat a lot of dessert, it has to be said. I like creme caramel and a really good cheesecake is a joy forever. Mostly when I make desserts they're for Frood. He's the pudding monster.

Fort would be proud

2008-05-04T10:36:00.005+01:00

"Gah!!! What the FUCK is that?"

I'm looking out of the window. It's dark. We're watching our fave TV show (NCIS - Abby is so hot). I have seen a UFO. Possibly an earthlight. Definitely not a will-o'-the-wisp. It's moving too damn fast.

Frood, used to me seeing things, gets up and has a peer. His usual expression of "Here we go again" is replaced by a fascinated grin.

Outside, on the rough ground behind our block of flats between us and the old gas storage structure (so Robert Rankin), an incredibly bright green thing is darting around. I can't judge how far away it is or how big it is. One moment it seems to be on the ground and quite big, the next it seems to be on the outside of our window and really quite small.

"It's chasing da bunnies!" I exclaim, as one of our resident lapine population takes fright.

"It's a laser pointer," Frood tells me. "Someone is chasing da bunnies with a laser pointer."

I'm instantly a tad concerned that the laser could blind one of the rabbits and contemplate knocking on the doors above us to find out who's doing it and get him to stop. The green light vanishes.

Fortean mystery to potential animal abuse in one easy step.

Playing with my Sony Ericsson k850i

2008-05-01T18:13:00.004+01:00

Random apostrophes are almost forgivable compared to mistaking a comma for one.

Ask me nicely and I'll tell you the company. It's not a one-off mistake by the livery painter because it was on all their vehicles:

The funny-ha-ha tagline loses something when all attention is distracted by the punctuation.

Hey Munky, you know what this means...

2008-04-30T12:48:00.003+01:00

New phone! I has it!

Note to self

2008-04-28T18:05:00.002+01:00

DON'T PANIC

You ate rather a lot of beetroot last night, remember?

Excellent!

2008-04-26T20:22:00.003+01:00

I just found a pile of old "Consequences" sheets. I think they are from the second Devon Lek.

Barney Frotterbum
Met Miss Love-a-lot
At a gloryhole in a cottage
He said "Oil me up and fetch the larger forceps"
And she said "I couldn't possibly, I'm on a low-protein diet"
And they could not quite manage a 69 with all the eyes looking at them on stalks.

Frood and I introduced that game to my parents at Christmas...

Frood says I must inform the world

2008-04-26T12:33:00.001+01:00

I lost my coffee.

I had a mug of coffee. I lost it. I lost it while Frood was in the bathroom.

I found it in the wardrobe.

Life with frood

2008-04-25T19:37:00.003+01:00

Frood's list of things for me to do.

My favourite things

2008-04-24T13:34:00.001+01:00

The environment and semiotics.

Putting in place effective policies to stimulate climate-friendly behaviour in the UK is clearly essential, but so too is the use of effective communications. Today in the UK, more stakeholders, including every type of media outlet, the Government, environmental groups and companies, are discussing or communicating on climate change than ever before. But what impact are these stakeholders having? Are they helping or hindering efforts to achieve behaviour change? Will producing more of the same communications do the job, and if not, how could the way climate change is communicated be improved?
To help answer those questions, ippr commissioned Linguistic Landscapes to analyse current UK constructions and conceptions of climate change in the public domain, using some of the tools and principles of discourse analysis and semiotics.

The discussion of "linguistic repertoires" is especially good. My favourite, I think, is "British comic nihilism ('Oh, bugger it and open another bottle!')". Some of the pseudo-intellectual diagrams are whimsically bollocks and make me smile.

You have to register to read, and it was published way back in 2006 (there's a sequel), but worth a look if you're interested in the way words can affect thoughts and thus population behaviour on a global scale.

With our thoughts we make the world...

Where are my glow sticks? Oh. Right. Just here.

2008-04-19T11:42:00.006+01:00

Just arrived in my mailbox:

...to let you know we acknowledge you and respect your ancienty.
Carpe Diem,
The Raven Heads
http://ravenheads.com

"Ancienty"?

Good word, dudes. Let's take a look... Oh cool! A band! Destroy Him My Robots, eh? Personally I prefer a much faster bpm, but thanks for thinking of me. Der Stereotyp is better. That one's really growing on me.

Anyway, just for mailing me, I shall tell my blogosphere that you guys can be heard playing in Terrassa (that's Spain) on 17th May. I'm racing that weekend, and I live in Scotland, so I can't make it.

I'm more into Psy Goa Trance, for the record. I'm a big fan of GMS and I like the Spun Records label.

Showing my age

2008-04-19T11:19:00.002+01:00

I'm watching the Paris Roubaix (the Hell of the North) on ITV4. Every time I hear the name Stuart O'Grady I hear the words:

"Who produced the world's stickiest bogie?"
"Toxteth O'Grady, USA."
"Correct, five points."
"You bum bag!"

Damn you, Young Ones.

Reasons to ride fixed #1357

2008-04-17T18:48:00.003+01:00

This morning, while riding to work, I was coming up Forth Valley towards the turning for Melville Street and had to stop because the bus in front of me had stopped.

I squeezed the front brake. Nothing. I squeezed it again, brain disengaging into WTF mode. Still nothing.

Frantically pumping the front brake lever I went into fixed-gear override and skidded the bike to slow down, finally putting my feet on the ground to keep the machine upright as I wrestled it to a stop. Courier I ain't. Luckily I'm a consistent skidder.

Can we see the problem boys and girls?

I changed the brake pads a month ago and it has been fine since then. I can't for the life of me figure out where in the hell that pad went. The rotation of the wheel should have forced it against the front of the shoe, and the retaining pin was definitely properly in place. I know how to fit brake pads. Not only that but I'd used the brakes already on the ride, and they'd been working. Somewhere between the descent on Crewe Road South and the Forth Valley traffic blockade, my offside front brake pad went missing.

Buggered if I know what happened to it. Good job you don't need brakes to stop a fixed, though.

Yes, I do have a rear brake on that bike, but I use it so rarely the damn thing had seized so that wasn't working either.

Pinging the blogosphere

2008-03-30T11:18:00.001+01:00

I need to replace my virus checker. Norton is a great, fat, bloated warthog of a beast that conflicts with Skype and has been a royal pain in the ass.

Recommendations please?

Life with Frood

2008-03-29T13:18:00.002Z

"Are you going to let me throw away some of your mugs?"

"But I use them all!"

"This one for tea in the morning, this one for tea in the afternoon, this one for tea just before bed. This one for posh tea. This one for coffee. This one for coffee when friends are round..."

"Well, yeah."

"I know you do, my wuvly."

"I don't want this one with the fish on it."

"Oooooooh. A whole mug."

We're trying to downsize because our new flat has less space. I packrat kitchen equipment. It's the kitchen that's a lot smaller.

Internal monologues of the one-eyed #1

2008-03-05T18:42:00.002Z

Do I get the hand soap that has shea butter in it because I wash my hands so much it dries out my skin and that might help, even though it means that when I wash my eye it will have a film of moisturiser on it?

Hmmm. Might make it shinier.