. . . .then we'll begin. . . .

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da pawable of da kinge

Once , some one hundredan' fifty thousand moons ago or there abouts , when giants still wolked the erf there lived a great and nobel warrior kinge . Kinge Colin of the thrice forged sword ( this woz purley for security reasons , only kinge colin new witch of the four swords that surmounted his throan was the real one ) It woz this sword that allowed the conektion of the Kinge and the land , for in thoes days the kinge and the land wer trully as one . The sword was simply called the sword it have no other name ( altho the forgeries were called Mary , Mungo 'n' Midge ) .

Across the globe wer many fair an mitey cities rulled by his brover kinges and sister queens ( sum of the kinges wer also queens ) , but nun so magnificent as Colins own city , the city of ERM . Loike the other great costal cities of the age it wernt exactly built but shaped , grown 'n' formed of the livin rok of the land . The city of ERM wuz beautious to behold , its masonry lookin at once both natural and manmade dependin on da lite . Kinge Colin was a benign ruler well wuved by his peeople an' guvenin them with a light touche of his rite hand wheras the left grasped a rod of iorn for treatin with his enemenies . Kinge colin was bothe learned an wise havin been edukated at the schools of mathematics , astronomy , music , literature , art and bingo . Intelegent an wise but not understandin and as such ignorant in his bliss . At the center of ERM was the great temple of the stair that connected the experiential world with the world of the gods . No mortal was allowed more than half way up the stair when entreating with the gods . A supplicant had to shout and holler from there or if the wind was rite they could use a kite to attach there messages too .

One da' one sad day the demon Bronte came unto Kinge Colin she be a demon of pride and predudice an wispered in his ear wile he catch forty winks "You art more than other men , as kinge are you not more than mortal ? Are thee not part devine ? " she sed . "Surley thou must be allowed to ascend the stair unto the very gates of heaven itself and beyond ." kinge Colin was gripped by a demonik fever , left his pallace and ran throu the streets of ERM towards the great temple . Ther wer a great multitude of supplicants but he hesitated not and made his way to the foot of the stair shoutin all the wile and tossin his subjects aside in his haste . Kinge colin mounted the stair and begun his ascent giving not even the briefest reverent pause at the middle step he forged upwards . The gods soon noticed and they were most wrath for the comotion below interrupted there whist drive . Pingu the god of lancing boils said "Oi! look at that the cheeky sod ." "Bleedin hubris mate . " replied Bagpuss the god of drowned cats . The gods were muched distressed by the behavoir of this uppity mortal and decided to teach him a jolly good lesson . So decided the gods locked the door to heaven and wile Kinge Colin was demandin to be let in they all went home and on the agreed signal of the hooting jellyfish did the at once in unison flush their celestial lavatories . They did this agane and agane , so much that quickly the level of the sea did rise innundating the glorious cities of earth . Kinge colin soon noticed when the cries of his people turned into laughing and splashins . He gazed down the stair to see many an inflatable object and his people cavorting in the waves . Wot have i done he thought , o woe be me that i have brought mi peeps unto this . He at once joined with the land causing it to rise and his people to become beached and cry out in anguish " spoilsport " . The gods continued to flush and once more the sea rose . Colin lifted the land oncemore but in vain , the sea rose quicker . The city of ERM was dissapeared beneath the waves for ever more as wer the cities of UM , EH ? , WOT , PARDON , EXCUSE ME , MIND YER BACKS and most sadly of all MINES A PINT .

Civilisation came to an end that day , the people of the world were decimated ten times in a row till only 34 . 867843 % of the worlds population survived and these were scattered to the four winds . Much knowledge and learning were lost . Humanity had to start agane from skratch . All because of the hubris of a Kinge who although woz one wiv the land , possessed wiv knowledge and wisdom , through lack of understanding at the end was all at sea .



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