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Oi! View this in the right bleedin' font! Download Ransom and RansomB (right click and save as).
No fair! I am now crusty bit less, and at my time of life too . Yea, there will be a great gnashing of darkness and wailing in the teeth when news of this gets to authorities I'll be bound . Thoes in the know eh? It's difficult to predict their response, but I knows a way . It involves three cubits of quarter inch hemp rope, a litre of k-y jelly, one aubergine, a sinkplunger and unless you are very flexible the help of friends, relatives or the type of neighbour you probably dont want to live next door to .
9:56:59 PM
Eternal blindness (I have had trouble gettin' near the infernal machine) . Anyway I work in a booze shop and have realised that there aint anyfing quite so queer as folk . Apart from turfin' arht drunks 'n' workin as a tourist info site durin the summer e . t . c . We also get arsked for any number of silly things . Ok we do sell soft drinks, but milk? Wot about batteries? No . Potatoes, stamps fone cards (for mobiles 'n' fone boxes) . admittedly we do sell fags, but not in BLUDDY TENS! Probly the strangest thing that I have been asked for is directions to a shop where the bloke could get summint to make it bigger? He asked this while gesturing with his hands in the vacinity of his tackle in a way that would have been the envy of any mime artist . 'Onnest 'n' strait up it's true . I ask you why me? I sent him down the road to the big roundabout, First exit and about five mins walk from there and you will find the private shop.
10:46:12 PM
Fetid sweaty pustulating testicles!
10:49:44 PM
Loons, loons and more loons . That is wot the world is full of! Admittedly ther are some absolutly loverly loons out there, but none the less the vast majority are a putrifying vat of rancid camel offal . Stroll on! As I always say "They is all mad 'cept theee 'n' me, I seriously suspect thee an I is havin serious doubts abahrt me" . Did you know that I am an triumvarate? But so is anybody else. 'God' aint the only bugger who can pull that stunt . Ok so his/her/it's/their father son 'n' holy wotsit is a bit flasher than me ,meself 'n' i, but it smaks of incest instead of self manipulation and leeds to sickness of the mind . Just look around and you will see . Who but a complete bleedin loony would come up with the idea of making some gurlie preggers so he can be born, then ask himself "Do I have to die and why didin't we come up with a loop hole when I came up with this caper?" , before he gets himself nailled to a tree for our sins? Eh? Run that by me agane will you? This 'God' bloke must be a bit mad in the hed I rekkon . Personally I am quite happy with my sins thankyou . I have developed quite an extensive collection, tho I must admit to some dulpication . Anyone for swapsies? But only if you have summint interestin' .
11:09:44 PM